Li River

• Woke up at 6:30. Breakfast: fried rice, fried noodles, sausage, egg custard bun, Lanzhou noodles (but they were already made, so there was no show).
• Got to lobby at 6:40 and asked the receptionist if she knew whether or not the Li River tour guide had come yet. I think the only word she understood out of that was "guide," because she called Bing and handed me the phone.
• Bing said I didn't need to be ready until 8:20, but when I told him about the call I got the night before, he said "oh, I guess they changed it?"
• The guy who had called me showed up at 7:55 and said he was just my driver to take me to the bus (everyone else had stayed in hotels the bus was able to get to, but mine is in the older part of the city).
• This guy knew so many English phrases (like "one man's trash is another man's treasure") and he kept directing the conversation so he could fit them in (sometimes some of the things were lost in translation, but oh well.
• About 20 minutes into the drive, he slowed down on the side of the road and crept along in the shoulder. A few seconds later a bus came up behind us and he said "okay here is your guide, bye bye." This was at 8:05.
• Every row in the bus had at least 1 of the 2 seats occupied, but one of the ladies got up and sat wth her friend so I could have the row.
• The guide used the mic to say a bunch of Chinese, then in English he said that most people in our group were Chinese so he would say everything in Chinese first, but then in English for "our foreign friend." Yep, I was the only guy who couldn't understand Chinese. He said "if you don't understand Chinese, it's ok. I'll be back." Then spoke in Chinese for the next 45 minutes as we drove to the boat dock. This was a theme for the day...he had a whole lot to say and always filled his time, but almost never went back to say the English version (I later found out that it's like he didn't know how to say the English version, because he was really confused and unable to answer when I was able to get a question in).
• The boats were lined up next to each other parallel to the dock, so we walked across the front of 4 boats to reach the last one. There were assigned seats (labeled above, sortof like an airplane), and I was sat at a table alone (thinking maybe this was the English-speaking table?). I found out that there were actually 6 busload a of people getting on (each with a guide), and we just happened to be the first. All the seats easily filled up within about 20 mins (no other English-speakers) and we were off.
• They might as well have all of these boats hooked together like train cars, because we were part of a constant chain of tourist boats.
• I guess there was some kind of head-guide, who was in charge of the microphone, because she was on it throughout the cruise. She started with a safety demonstration on how to put s life jacket on (plus another 10-minutes worth of Tonle talking).
• I think the guide from my bus was the only one of them who knew at least some English. He seemed like an ok guide, walking around and telling people about what we were seeing, but wasn't able to tell me very much (and I'm pretty sure he forgot to come and tell me several of the times we passed something noteworthy. I had found a spot to stand outside of the Chinese mob and stood my ground for most of the trip). The only surefire tool I had to tell me when we were passing something 'famous' was the throng of Chinese tourists and how desperate they were to get a picture of something. The cue was usually when the head guide would come on the microphone and they would all run up to the deck like pavlov's dogs. A couple of times, my corner of the top deck became prime real estate for taking s photo, and I would have been happy to move out of peoples' way while they took their pictures, but instead of asking they always just pushed (one guy even tried to use my shoulder as a tripod. Really?)
• Since I wasn't able to understand anything anyway  I just stayed up on the top deck the whole time enjoying the views and the breeze.
• The guide came up to show my the "hello kitty" rock, the "five horses" rock (but the guide map says nine...?), and the place where the picture from the back of the 20-yuan bill was taken.
• Other than that, he was busy for the first half of the trip soliciting an "add-on" trip. This is the first guide that I've had who has, themselves, been like a street vendor. He showed me a book of pictures and said "only 130 yuan," and it's the best part of the trip. He showed me a map of where we would go and when I asked for the alternative he said he didn't know and walked away...after making his way through all the Chinese people, he came back and reported to me that since the majority wanted to do the add-on, that is where the bus was going. If I wanted out then I would need to ride in a van "with no English," and that would put be back at 8:00 rather than 6:00.
• Yeah that was counterintuitive to me too, so I asked. He said there were people staying the night in the town our ship docked at (Yangshuo), and the small van needed to drive to the end of the add-on to pick up these people and deliver them back to Yangshuo AND THEN return to Guilin. Seriously? My options were to spend 5 hours waiting in a van or pay more money to spend 3 hours looking at things and riding back more comfortably. I was annoyed, but accepted the deal (the guide lowered the price to 100 yuan and told me it would be "our little secret." Whatever, dude). I told him I didn't have any yuan, but he said I could get some at an ATM in Yangshuo.
• I emailed Cathy about this after I got back to my hotel. Seemed very sketch...
• At one point, everyone disappeared from the roof deck, and I assume they went to eat lunch. Sure enough, when I went back downstairs my lunch was there. We were each given 1 frozen dinner and no drinks.Yum...it's a good thing I brought along my own bottle of water just in case.
• I also noticed that all the guides (except the mic lady) were sleeping when I went downstairs. Rough job.
• I went back up to the top and sat on the ground against some bars. There were 2 other people doing it and it looked like a nice place to be, so I found my corner and watched as we passed the farmland (no noteworthy rock formations on this part of the river). I ended up taking a nap, from which I was awakened by a little girl running around as if she'd just been let off a leash.
• When we docked at ___, a driver picked us up from the pier and my guide had him drop me off at an ATM. I said I wanted to exchange US money, so he said I would be able to do that next door at the hotel. As I expected, the hotel wouldn't do it for non-guests, so I was back to the ATM (which was "for Bank Of China Members Only"). I told the guide I could get him his money when we got back to my hotel and he said ok (I think we were running behind and he didn't want people to keep waiting).
• In this add-on trip, he re-announced that there was a 'foreign friend' and said again that he would be speaking in both languages. During this part of the trip, I made an effort to catch eye-contact with him and look as confused as possible whenever he spoke in Chinese. He was better about the language thing when he went through his spiels this time, but as we passed things and he pointed out the window there was still only time for one language.
• Our first stop had 2 parts: seeing a water buffalo, and taking pictures on a bridge.
• The Chinese people went NUTS around the water buffalo. They gave us some leeks to feed it and they each of the tourists wanted a picture touching it, then feeding it, then making a peace symbol, now repeat with the whole family, ...
• The bridge had a bunch of rafts going under it and I noticed the operators were using long bamboo sticks to reach down and push the bottom of the river instead of rowing with a paddle/oars.
• But apparently the point of this bridge was just pictures. The guide said "Windows XP" to me several times, so I guess this is where a screensaver picture was shot.
• We got back in the bus and went about 5 mins away to a place with a sign that said it was the Yangshuo Shangri-la Theme Park.
• The guide insisted that we all use the restroom because we would "be one hour no toilet." I tried to say that I went when the others were freaking out about the buffalo, but he wasn't having it. So I went again...
• We got on a couple of boats with a guide who worked for the park (she only knew "hello" and "bye bye" in English). As the boat pulled away from the cruise guide, who stayed on land, I thought "great..."
• She was constantly talking and pointing to things, but when I would look at where she was pointing I just saw grass and reeds and bamboo. The Chinese people were photographing all of this, so maybe it meant something to them.
• Along the way, there were 3 pagodas with dancers and musicians that would start performing as the boat approached. I thought it was funny to watch all of their enthusiasm drop as soon as we had passed.
• The guide got everyone on the boat to say "Bung Nee" to the performers, and when she saw my confusion said "Bung Nee, hello."
• The obvious main attraction was that we went through a cave, but unlike the ones at Trang An there was only one, it was tall enough for this larger boat, and they didn't light the inside of the cave (which I thought was cool).
• We were returned to land at the first pagoda we had passed, which said it was a "traditional style meeting house for the Tong People." Next to it was a complex of several buildings that we had to walk through which was basically just a ton of vendors. After that was a bridge which took us back to where the boat had departed (apparently it's called the "dragon bridge" for some reason, but a cool detail is that no nails or rivets are used to hold it together).
• The guide was waiting for me on that side and I guess I was one of the last people back because he had me go straight to the bus and it was only a couple minutes before we left.
• The guide said there would be several stops, the first would be at the railway, the second at the night market, the third at the 2-pagoda lake. He told me that between the railway and the night market we would stop at my hotel so I could change money. Then we drove about an hour and he said some things in Chinese on the microphone.
• Nope. We went straight from the railway to the night market and when we got there he told me to get off and walk with him to the Bank of China ATM. I told him I wanted to exchange my USD to Yuan but he said "no, ATM is better." I had no clue where my hotel was. He took me to an ATM and sent me in telling me to bring him 100 yuan, but my credit card can't do that... I said I couldn't use it because there's no PIN, and if he would just take me to my hotel I could exchange the money. Instead he wanted the USD directly, so I told him I would give him 15. He said that wouldn't be enough with an exchange rate of 6 yuan to 1 dollar and that might be the rate he gets when he tries to exchange it. So I told him I could get a better rate at the hotel and gave him a choice: take $15 now or go with me to the hotel and let me give you yuan. He took the $15, but wouldn't accept any bills with folded corners because "it's too old so the bank will not take it."
• I found some bills he was satisfied with and asked how to get to my hotel. He said to go through the night market and keep walking 6 minutes. Then he left.
• So I followed his directions, and when I came to a bridge a red flag went off. Fortunately I was able to get a GPS ping to show me an approximate location, and with my limited knowledge of the city's layout I made it back.
• Confirmed my wake-up call and packaged breakfast for tomorrow at reception.
• Sat down to finish the bullets I had started on the bus ride, and now that this is done it's time to pack up, go through my photos, and get to bed.